Transcript
WEBVTT
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A lot of men are watching our podcast but they won't comment but they'll send text messages and responses.
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I'm going to try to approach this lightly.
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Look, and it's amazing to me, how many people are projecting their insecurities or their and let's just say it, most of them are or their and let's just say it most of them are.
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This is Legra.
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This is Stephanie, this is Cherie and this is Ivanya.
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And this is Timeless and Unfiltered where we are spilling the tea on midlife one laugh at a time.
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Welcome back to another episode of Timeless and Unfiltered.
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I'm Stephanie.
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That was so mechanical Because this ain't my thing, it's her thing.
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I like that.
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I'm Cherise, and we are spilling the tea on midlife.
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One laugh at a time.
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Take it away, Laker, I know You're so crazy.
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Well, y'all might notice we're missing one.
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She's here in spirit.
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She's here in spirit.
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She's here in spirit.
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Well, you know this is what Grad graduation season, travel season.
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Yeah, so we're missing Avanya today, but she'll be back.
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She'll be back, but over the next couple of weeks all our schedules are crazy, so it's going to be a few episodes that one of us might be missing.
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Yeah, throughout the summer.
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Yeah, one of us might be missing, because that's what we're outside.
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In these streets.
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We're outside, okay, but, um, this I'm trying to see how we're going to approach this topic today.
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Well, let's start with it's been amazing couple of weeks since we've launched our podcast and it's amazing the demographics that are watching our podcast.
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But a lot of men are watching our podcast.
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They are.
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But they won't comment.
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No, we're a guilty pleasure.
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But they'll send text messages.
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Yes, and responses.
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Right yeah.
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They'll send text messages and things.
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Comment I'm going to try to approach this lightly.
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Look, so you know.
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You don't approach it lightly.
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Go on, I'm going to try to, you know.
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So your phone ain't blowing up this week, stephanie, don't nobody like me, so your phone not blowing up this week.
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No, we're going to talk about, let's talk about, I don't know.
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Do you want to be married, not being married?
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Are you here for a relationship?
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You're here for a good time.
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You know just kind of where we are.
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And this all kind of came up too because we know that Stephanie is, was I don't know which term to use in a relationship.
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I'm not anymore.
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I was going to let you say it.
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You don't like me anymore, you know.
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But you know what I always say things, I mean things, happen for a season.
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I'm sick of these seasons, I know girl, I know what's it Winter, spring, summer, fall I'll give of these seasons.
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I know, girl, I know what's it Winter, spring, summer, fall I'll give you my all For a season Because it was Laverne Right For a season.
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I love them For a season, but it's amazing to me how many men are watching our podcast that are commenting privately.
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Yeah, but they won't comment on the episode.
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They won't, but.
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but they want you to acknowledge, but they want you to acknowledge something that you've said on the on the show and I'm going to say you probably are getting more of a hit than that than we are, than we are.
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You want to?
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You want to explain a little bit, or no?
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I love everybody.
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Well, this is my feeling.
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This is my feeling, and we talked about this briefly before we started filming.
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Our podcast is about our experiences and it's amazing to me how many people are projecting their insecurities or their and let's just say it, most of them are men, projecting their insecurities or their lack of something that they think they may have done or didn't do.
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First of all, we haven't named anybody's names at all.
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And what do we always say?
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A hit dog will holler.
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So if you feel the need to call or to text because an experience or something that we've shared has triggered something that you think, now you need to respond to.
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Now we also have men saying y'all need to have a man on the couch.
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You need to have a man on the couch.
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Why do we need to have a man on the couch?
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Because we're not talking about men, a different perspective.
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Yeah, but we're not talking about men.
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We've made some comments.
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No, let's start with this.
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You've made some comments, but you've made, but I feel like you've made them from general and from my experience, your experiences from my experiences, like when I say men don't approach me when I'm out, or and that's your experience that's been my experience, so but so now we need men to explain now they feel why they don't approach me.
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I guess one told me I look mean as shit.
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So it's like look at you.
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You look mean.
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I was like, oh, okay, well I'm not for you walking around cheesing all the time.
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I'm not.
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That's just not the person I am.
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And what's crazy is that my last relationship.
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I gave him much respect because no one approaches me, and the fact that he approached me I was like finally somebody talking about that, but when I think in hindsight, it's because I was coming out of a bar singing and dancing and having a good time, but you always are and I look always even.
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But even if, yeah, you're in the bar, you know I'm down, I'm having a good time.
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And people don't say anything.
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Yes, and I actually had a friend's husband tell me years ago.
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He was a Kappa and we were at a Kappa casino night.
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I think I was in my early 30s and I was there with him and his wife, third wheel forever and we were there and he came up he said, steph, he was like so many of my bros want to approach you, but you look mean and they are scared to say something to you and I'm like what?
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And you're dancing and I know you.
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No, well, me and her were just in the corner talking.
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At the time I wasn't, we had on suits and we were just like that.
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So he was like listen, please, try this.
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He said please.
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He said said please.
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He said go over there, talk to my wife he said act like y'all laughing, crack some jokes.
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He said please smile and act like you're fun.
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And I'm like why I got to do this like jesus and I was like whatever and so I was like girl this is so crazy girl that I got to and people started talking to me and so I learned that a lot of men, I think, like I said, I feel like I have a resting bitch face a lot of times and so people are scared.
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I said I feel like I have a resting bitch face a lot of times and so people are scared to approach me and that's why I'm like very approachable and I'm not rude, I'm not going to be like get away from me, why are you talking?
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I'm not that lady, but I guess my face gives that off.
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And so when I started doing that, then people would approach me.
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So, like I said in my last relationship, I was coming out to bar having a good time and I guess he felt like she look a little fun.
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Hey, where you going?
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You taking a party with you?
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Where you going?
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Come on back in, I think.
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And that's because no one talks to me.
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So then I just we latched on and we had a lot in common or whatever.
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Y'all better catch me when I'm out.
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Do you think it's because a lot of men are them out?
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I do think so and I I thank god that built y'all up for that.
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I just I can't take rejection, that's all.
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I could never be a man, because I know they're.
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They're like just built for a lot of rejection.
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They have to take a lot of rejection, and so I don take a lot of rejection, and so I don't know, I feel bad for y'all.
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I'm still not saying nothing to you, though.
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I'm like we just all gonna be rejected because I ain't saying nothing to you so you don't see men or see someone and be like, ooh, you just sit there the whole time and say, ooh, I hope he come talk to me, uh that listen, listen.
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I did that two times in my life and my dad always told me.
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When I was 19, he said men are the hunters.
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Yes, and women are hunted.
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And two times in my life I decided I'm gonna say something to this and got my face cracked.
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And then that's when I realized that men have a preference so the one dude that I thought was cute and was trying to talk to.
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He only liked light-skinned women and so I was too dark for him, so he went.
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He went my type.
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And then I tried talking to another guy we out there dancing like yeah, yeah, yeah.
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He's.
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Like yeah, you're a little too little for me.
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I like your home girl because she was a thick, voluptuous woman and I was like damn so.
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That's why I was like I'm not approaching a man, because men have their preferences.
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They know, know what they like.
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I'm not trying to get rejected?
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Yeah, we do.
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We have our preferences, we know what we like, so if they approach us, then they're getting rejected as well.
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I do it in a nice way.
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Why she do all of this.
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I mean whoever I don't know.
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For me and you guys know this I don't have a problem going to say something to somebody.
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I'm a rafters.
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Yeah, I don't have a problem approaching somebody because it's 50-50.
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You never know if you don't try.
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And you know I come from the old school, the old rules, but I don't live by, you know.
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I don't live by Frank.
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Sinatra, I always do it, my way.
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So I don't live by any of those rules anyway.
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But you have a 50-50 chance.
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I'm a punk.
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I can't, I ain't made up like that.
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You know I cry, but rejection doesn't bother me either.
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I know this is going to sound really terrible but I'm not rejected very often.
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But I also don't approach very often.
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Oh, this is, I don't approach very often.
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Oh, this is gonna sound so mean and terrible.
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I don't like people very often yeah, well, no, that's not me.
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I rarely see, I think, younger me, younger me, I think, saw a lot of the physical traits of men that I liked and so be like, hey you know, and then a lot of.
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Well, I think two things are a little bit different than they were back then, and especially two with, at our age, younger me, you just kind of made yourself available.
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I'm gonna go walk to the bar, because sometimes we, because we're in a herd, with the hen house yeah, men don't want to come into the hen house because now not only are you being rejected, but it's also in front of the girlfriends and all that kind of stuff.
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Men used to send drinks because we kind of had this conversation a little bit on your episode.
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Men used to send drinks.
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You know, do you send one or you got to send the whole table, all that kind of thing.
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So sometimes you got to pull yourself out the herd.
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Pull yourself out the herd.
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I don't care if you go into the ladies room.
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I can't tell you how many times you just go into the ladies room and see, and that's a pet peeve for me.
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That's a pet peeve for me, not that you're talking to me, but don't grab me.
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Yeah.
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I never like that.
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You can do that, you know, excuse me, you know, or something like that, but that grab thing, see then the other leg kind of come out.
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And I'm not as pleasant Because I just, first of all, you don't know me but you don't ever right.
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Don't invade my personal space like that, but I don't know.
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But now I think when I'm out like the grocery store getting something to eat, like it ain't even the club scene no more, it's the gas station or whatever, I don't know, if just I got a filter on or something Like the physical is not as important to me anymore.
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So you not approaching me, I don't.
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I rarely see men I'm attracted to physically.
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I know that sound crazy.
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I'm attracted to power.
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I've noticed that I love a man that got some some power crazy, I'm attracted to power.
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I've noticed that I love a man that got some power body.
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I love a big boy with some swag.
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The only thing I can say I don't really like is skinny.
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It's thin.
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But that's my insecurity.
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You know what I'm saying.
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Like I ain't going to be the fat bitch in a relationship with your little skinny ass.
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You know what I'm saying.
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We got enough body issues Right, little skinny ass.
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You know what I'm saying we got enough body issues right.
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It's concerns already I ain't gonna never be with.
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I ain't gonna be the big one and you the little skinny brother.
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But that also was part of the tomboy in me, because I'm still I just heard what's his face tomboyish we ain't gonna do nothing, right?
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I need you to have some meat on your body, right?
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like I'm.
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I think I go into I'm kind of protective.
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Well, y'all already know I'm protective of my friends.
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I'm protective of my family.
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I'm protective of my circle and and family don't mean blood and that's my relationships.
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You.
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You part of my family.
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I'm very protective of that.
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So when I'm with a person that's smaller or than me, I'm in a more of a protective mode, which is why I like bigger men I like taller men whatever, because I like to feel protected, cause you know I have a little, not that little men aren't strong.
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No, they're not.
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I mean, I'm not saying that they're not, but this is my preference and us, and saying our preferences is cracking me up and that kind of brings us back to the conversation with you when we stating what we like or what we've been through our preferences.
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It's amazing to me how people watching have internalized that to say I'm not talking about who, say I'm talking about you, I'm talking about what I like.
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What I like or what has happened to me and how now you've projecting your insecurities and now you feel the need to text me privately because you got some, because I said something about what I like or what.
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I want or whatever.
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So that was kind of how that circle back to that.
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But yeah, I don't, I don't meet, I'm I'm rarely attracted to anybody anymore and I notice that's crazy.
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Um, as much as I do love love, yeah, I do, I love love, but the things that were so important to me before, just not that important to me anymore.
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What's your credit score?
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What's your social security check?
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Look like.
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No, it ain't even that.
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Because one is because just education, of learning what credit can do for our lives.
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If you and I are to get together, I don't care what your profession is, you know it's this one.
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It's this one thing on um instagram and facebook, um the gold digger pranks.
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Do y'all ever watch those, the gold digger pranks?
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I love that where the ladies be walking and they'll see the guy with the car and then they'll turn around and try to talk to me.
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He's like no, yeah, yeah he, the guy, is walking down the street.
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He'll walk up to a young lady, lady, and he'll be like hey, how you doing.
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You look, you're beautiful.
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Are you talking to me?
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Don't talk to me or whatever, whatever.
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And you know, and he's like, you know, my name is such and such and she, what's your name?
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I don't got one.
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No name, none of your business.
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They do that whole thing.
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They do that whole.
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Thing.
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And he'd be like you know what, you have a good day, and then he'd go to get in a nice car and they'd turn around Girl, they'd be running back tapping on the windows all that kind of stuff that's so terrible.
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Cracks me up, cracks me up, and it's amazing that that's what our young generation has come to.
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And not even just young, because there's some older ones in there too.
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So we can't blame the young kids mean acting.
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We can't blame the young kids.
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You saw his nice car and then all of a sudden, but I can tell you right now a lot of people with a lot of things that they're.
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That don't mean they're generous show don't.
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I want a generous man and that.
00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:37.479
And a generous man is a giver and he don't have to have all that money.
00:15:37.479 --> 00:15:40.770
He might finds a way to make you feel special.
00:15:40.770 --> 00:15:45.972
And generosity doesn't mean money, it does not, it doesn't, it doesn't mean money.
00:15:45.972 --> 00:15:51.413
So I think now when I, when I'm out and I see men, I just see them differently, you know.
00:15:51.413 --> 00:15:59.255
So, yeah, your credit score is important to me because I know what your credit score can do for us, for us.
00:15:59.255 --> 00:16:02.241
If you got bad credit, okay, let's, let's get your credit fixed.
00:16:02.241 --> 00:16:04.631
That don't mean I won't, I won't talk to you.
00:16:04.631 --> 00:16:07.840
Okay, now we don't keep get, keep getting it fixed.
00:16:07.840 --> 00:16:12.476
Right, that part, but it is that, because you know but it's your.